We sometimes live a life of routine, sometimes chronic, to the point of being unremarkable। We may even memorize already how many steps we need to make from the door to the gate or even brush our teeth while eyes are still shut.
Being the “OC” that I am, I jot down all my must do’s for the day and notes down exactly what I have done haphazardly or excellently. I have my daily calendar laid out in my table. All activities carefully plotted out. All cancellations duly noted.
But what do we really need to accomplish today?
Perhaps we need to begin an essential task. A task that could spell a guarantee for a future stripped with ambiguity. In my situation right now, saying no is unforgivable and I’ll-get-back-to-you-with-the-results-you-need is the name of the game. It has been like this lately so I guess it should be part of what I need to accomplish today. Perhaps we need to address some lingering issues, issues that affect how well we function, issues that define and test our strength.
On the other hand, we might need to work on restoring lost friendships, fixing broken promises, gluing faltering relationships, bringing together shattered pieces. We might also be called to fork over orthodox and unorthodox decisions.
All in one day.
All these and more before we lay flat in our bed and feel the need to be awakened again.
Friday, April 6, 2007
Half Full Glass
Deciding the glass is half full or half empty doesn't get you anywhere. So when you're tempted to perceive outcomes as if they're on-off switches, swallow the impulse and be flexible to match reality's murkiness. (Yahoo Horoscope -Gemini)
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Besides, why settle for half full when a full glass is just at hand?
Do Not Let The Sun Go Down On Your Wrath
I should preach this to myself. I should. I really should.
I know myself and as far as I can recall I have never been let down by anything. I know myself too much that I sometimes just tell myself how to react if faced with a certain sticky wickets.
My mom and dad used to tell me to never let the sun go down on my wrath। To make amends before I sleep at night because we can never be too sure if we still would be able to wake up. And they both apply that in their lives. I never saw them sleep over a heart ache. They talk and kiss and make up and sleep and wake up.
However, my stubborn self ruled me last week। I did try to ask how I can keep the sun from going down so I won’t be forced to make amends. I am referring to the shoe-that-burned-the-bridge tight spot which happened before I ended my shift last week. I didn’t like it and I was hurt. I could not even begin to deny it. I never thought friends could ever talk behind my back. I don’t know if seeing that instant messenger window was a blessing in disguise or it was just an unfortunate discovery of a friendship gone sour. I excused myself and went home ahead. On my way home, I sent a text to put hip on what I’ve read. She responded and tried to make reparations. I resisted. I ignored the phone calls as I was afraid that I might say something that I would regret in the future. I recoiled and did not reply to the text messages after reading them. In a way I am sort of cushy because it happened when I am off to my rest day. I had the time to evaluate things. I had the time to enjoy my peace at least for two days.
Monday came and she approached me। She even gave me a hug. I smiled but my mind wouldn’t agree to my heart. I’ve forgiven her long before I prepped for work.
I am not mad। Truth is I did not let the sun go down on my wrath. When I stopped responding to the texts, it meant I’m okay but I just need space. My silence means the act was forgiven but never really forgotten. I’m way past the “mad phase”.
Indeed, forgiving is love’s toughest work and love’s biggest risk. To quote Dr. Lewis Smedes, “Forgiveness is not forgetting, excusing, or smoothing things over. Instead, forgiving breaks the cycle of revenge and creates a new possibility of fairness by releasing it from the unfair past”.
I know myself and as far as I can recall I have never been let down by anything. I know myself too much that I sometimes just tell myself how to react if faced with a certain sticky wickets.
My mom and dad used to tell me to never let the sun go down on my wrath। To make amends before I sleep at night because we can never be too sure if we still would be able to wake up. And they both apply that in their lives. I never saw them sleep over a heart ache. They talk and kiss and make up and sleep and wake up.
However, my stubborn self ruled me last week। I did try to ask how I can keep the sun from going down so I won’t be forced to make amends. I am referring to the shoe-that-burned-the-bridge tight spot which happened before I ended my shift last week. I didn’t like it and I was hurt. I could not even begin to deny it. I never thought friends could ever talk behind my back. I don’t know if seeing that instant messenger window was a blessing in disguise or it was just an unfortunate discovery of a friendship gone sour. I excused myself and went home ahead. On my way home, I sent a text to put hip on what I’ve read. She responded and tried to make reparations. I resisted. I ignored the phone calls as I was afraid that I might say something that I would regret in the future. I recoiled and did not reply to the text messages after reading them. In a way I am sort of cushy because it happened when I am off to my rest day. I had the time to evaluate things. I had the time to enjoy my peace at least for two days.
Monday came and she approached me। She even gave me a hug. I smiled but my mind wouldn’t agree to my heart. I’ve forgiven her long before I prepped for work.
I am not mad। Truth is I did not let the sun go down on my wrath. When I stopped responding to the texts, it meant I’m okay but I just need space. My silence means the act was forgiven but never really forgotten. I’m way past the “mad phase”.
Indeed, forgiving is love’s toughest work and love’s biggest risk. To quote Dr. Lewis Smedes, “Forgiveness is not forgetting, excusing, or smoothing things over. Instead, forgiving breaks the cycle of revenge and creates a new possibility of fairness by releasing it from the unfair past”.
The Stress in Distress
Stress.
It has been a not-so-rare occurrence after learning that there is a feeling associated with it and that "this" certain feeling is homologous to the word akin to it. Stress is a physical or physiological stimulus that can produce mental or physiological reactions that oftentimes lead to some certain illnesses.
My stressors range from the mundane to the extraordinary.
I'm stressed with many-a-little thing. I easily get annoyed with carelessness and nonchalantness. I oftentimes get perturbed with unaffected simplicity or absence of careful thought. Truth be told sometimes I create my own ghosts. I am so good at worrying over spilled milk. I show unabashed disgust to things that I really don't favor or situations that I don't want to be immersed into. I'm stressed when I'm piqued. Much more when I become irascible because of an uncalled for remark.
Waking up late or waking up too early (ahead of my set alarm) ticks me off. Waiting too long for a ride when I want to go somewhere, aside from being one of my pet peeves,makes me more waspish than "humanish". Hearing my name pronounced in such a weird way (Kayeza or Keesa, or Keyzaa, or whatever), irks me. Talking to a person I don't want to talk to even for just a minute or two (I'm left without a choice) exasperates me. Queueing in an ATM for more than 10 minutes annoys me (what more when the machine runs out of cash or when the machine refuse to spew your card out?). Dealing with bitches and self-righteous individuals embitters me.
See, I am oftentimes stressed in times of distress. Come to think of it, as mundane as it may seem or as trivial as it may appear, my stressors don't rank high in the stressors scale. But it's it. And I am and I feel. There might be something wrong. Maybe I am unhappy or maybe I am just plain and simple resentful. Maybe I am just full of hate right now or maybe I'm just disgruntled, disenchanted and disheartened. Maybe, yes, maybe. I am caught inside a tote-em-pole of my bizarre thoughts, my eccentricity, my oddity.
I am in distress right now and I am so overly stressed. Give me a break!
It has been a not-so-rare occurrence after learning that there is a feeling associated with it and that "this" certain feeling is homologous to the word akin to it. Stress is a physical or physiological stimulus that can produce mental or physiological reactions that oftentimes lead to some certain illnesses.
My stressors range from the mundane to the extraordinary.
I'm stressed with many-a-little thing. I easily get annoyed with carelessness and nonchalantness. I oftentimes get perturbed with unaffected simplicity or absence of careful thought. Truth be told sometimes I create my own ghosts. I am so good at worrying over spilled milk. I show unabashed disgust to things that I really don't favor or situations that I don't want to be immersed into. I'm stressed when I'm piqued. Much more when I become irascible because of an uncalled for remark.
Waking up late or waking up too early (ahead of my set alarm) ticks me off. Waiting too long for a ride when I want to go somewhere, aside from being one of my pet peeves,makes me more waspish than "humanish". Hearing my name pronounced in such a weird way (Kayeza or Keesa, or Keyzaa, or whatever), irks me. Talking to a person I don't want to talk to even for just a minute or two (I'm left without a choice) exasperates me. Queueing in an ATM for more than 10 minutes annoys me (what more when the machine runs out of cash or when the machine refuse to spew your card out?). Dealing with bitches and self-righteous individuals embitters me.
See, I am oftentimes stressed in times of distress. Come to think of it, as mundane as it may seem or as trivial as it may appear, my stressors don't rank high in the stressors scale. But it's it. And I am and I feel. There might be something wrong. Maybe I am unhappy or maybe I am just plain and simple resentful. Maybe I am just full of hate right now or maybe I'm just disgruntled, disenchanted and disheartened. Maybe, yes, maybe. I am caught inside a tote-em-pole of my bizarre thoughts, my eccentricity, my oddity.
I am in distress right now and I am so overly stressed. Give me a break!
Competition: Boon or Bane?
I have been relentlessly bugged by the "idealists" who are against competition. I am not sure why they are so bent at scrutinizing people like me who enjoys the ups and downs of competition. I mean they could always just mind their own business. I am not here to patronize their idiosyncracies and their insecurities for that matter.
First, I was raised to believe that competition isn't something to shy away from. It is something to be embraced up to some extent. Competition is a healthy way to exercise our humanness. What with all its extrinsic and intrinsic conttibutions. According to a literature I read, the Latin root for the verb "to compete" is "competere" which means "to seek together" or "to strive together." That's why I really don't understand why they abhor it and why they have to always question people who like it. What I know is I have clean motives. It's my way of challenging myself and challenging other people who share the same ideals.
Why don't they just let people be? I surmise they might have had unpleasant experiences before. They might have been born losers or they are just cowards who are afraid to lose at some point. What is so hard to swallow when you lose? P-R-I-D-E! Let's face it. Winning isn't everything. And I know that. I cannot have everything but at least at some point I tried.
In a dog-eats-dog world, it's either you are IN or OUT. If you don't like to compete for space then better dug a hibernation cave and stay there...for good.
A few people might oppose what I have just written. I am not here for you to patronize me in any way. I am just talking out loud in the hopes that you will leave me alone...
Sometimes I Wish
Never did I imagine that at some point in my life, despite the hectic and consuming schedule that I have, I would remain as optimistic as I am right now.
Sometimes I wish I would feel a hint of pessimism.
Sometimes I wish I would succumbed to life's chaos.
Sometimes I wish I am fragile enough.
Sometimes I wish I am understood.
xoxo
MissUnderstood
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