Do Not Let The Sun Go Down On Your Wrath

I should preach this to myself. I should. I really should.

I know myself and as far as I can recall I have never been let down by anything. I know myself too much that I sometimes just tell myself how to react if faced with a certain sticky wickets.
My mom and dad used to tell me to never let the sun go down on my wrath। To make amends before I sleep at night because we can never be too sure if we still would be able to wake up. And they both apply that in their lives. I never saw them sleep over a heart ache. They talk and kiss and make up and sleep and wake up.

However, my stubborn self ruled me last week। I did try to ask how I can keep the sun from going down so I won’t be forced to make amends. I am referring to the shoe-that-burned-the-bridge tight spot which happened before I ended my shift last week. I didn’t like it and I was hurt. I could not even begin to deny it. I never thought friends could ever talk behind my back. I don’t know if seeing that instant messenger window was a blessing in disguise or it was just an unfortunate discovery of a friendship gone sour. I excused myself and went home ahead. On my way home, I sent a text to put hip on what I’ve read. She responded and tried to make reparations. I resisted. I ignored the phone calls as I was afraid that I might say something that I would regret in the future. I recoiled and did not reply to the text messages after reading them. In a way I am sort of cushy because it happened when I am off to my rest day. I had the time to evaluate things. I had the time to enjoy my peace at least for two days.

Monday came and she approached me। She even gave me a hug. I smiled but my mind wouldn’t agree to my heart. I’ve forgiven her long before I prepped for work.

I am not mad। Truth is I did not let the sun go down on my wrath. When I stopped responding to the texts, it meant I’m okay but I just need space. My silence means the act was forgiven but never really forgotten. I’m way past the “mad phase”.

Indeed, forgiving is love’s toughest work and love’s biggest risk. To quote Dr. Lewis Smedes, “Forgiveness is not forgetting, excusing, or smoothing things over. Instead, forgiving breaks the cycle of revenge and creates a new possibility of fairness by releasing it from the unfair past”.